As our parents age, we may start to notice a gradual decline in their ability to do things on their own — whether it’s managing their health care, keeping up their home, or staying socially connected. Initiating conversations about these limitations and figuring out a plan of care can be challenging.
Your parents may be proud, fiercely independent, or unwilling to admit they need help.
This is a delicate and sometimes painful process, but it’s a crucial step to keeping them comfortable, supported, and as independent as possible in their later years.
LifeSpan CM provides support during this process and some helpful strategies for navigating this conversation and developing a care plan together.
1. Prepare Yourself First
Before you sit down with your parents, educate yourself about their health and financial situation.
Consider questions like:
- Are there health issues you’re already seeing, such as memory problems, weakness, or poor balance?
- Are there financial struggles affecting their ability to pay for care or medication?
- Are there safety risks in their home — stairs, poor lighting, or medication confusion?
- Is there evidence of poor judgment that may cause harm to the older adult? Poor judgment is an early sign of cognitive impairment, often evident before memory loss becomes apparent.
Having a clear picture of their situation will help you talk honestly and compassionately.
2. Approach the Conversation with Empathy and Respect
Your parents may fear losing their independence or control over their lives.
Start the conversation by emphasizing your care and concern, not judgment.
For example:
- “I’m worried about you, and I want to make sure you’re comfortable and supported in your home.”
- “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, but we’re a team, and we want what’s best for you.”
Using open-ended questions — “How are you feeling about your health?” or “Where do you think you might need help?” — lets them express their preferences and worries.
REMEMBER that your emotional relationship with your parent is similar to it was when you were seven years old and your parent was 35. Many adult children hesitate to approach their parents as equals, which can be detrimental to the aging parent.
3. Give Them Choices and Support Their Autonomy
Your parents will appreciate having a say in their future care.
Instead of making decisions for them, present options and allow them to make their own choices as long as they are safe..
For example:
- “Would you prefer someone to come in a few hours a day to help you at home?”
- “Would you be more comfortable in a community where you have help nearby if you need it?”
- “Would you like me to handle some tasks, like medication refills or bills, or do you want a professional caregiver to help with those things?”
This approach lets them retain dignity and control over their choices. People who are losing their cognitive capacity often say “NO” to the suggestions of their adult children, because they wish to maintain their autonomy. They do so even when everyone is aware that the older adult is not capable of managing their own affairs.
4. Develop a Plan of Care Together
Once you’ve gotten their input, you can work together to create a Plan of Care — a roadmap that outlines their health care, financial, and daily living needs and how those will be addressed. Life Span CM can help create a Plan of Care. Contact us today.
A Plan of Care typically includes:
- A health profile, medication list, and health care providers
- An assessment of Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADLs) that they need help with (like cooking, cleaning, managing finances, or medication management)
- An assessment of Activities of Daily Living: eating, dressing, personal hygiene, walking, stair climbing, toileting, etc.)
- Goals for their care — staying in their home, improving health, reducing falls, or staying connected with their community
- Services you’ll put in place — in-home care, physical therapy, meal delivery, or case management
- A backup plan if their health worsens or emergencies arise
5. Get Support from Professionals
Creating and executing a Plan of Care can be overwhelming.
Consider working with a care manager, who can perform a comprehensive assessment and connect you with resources in your community.
They can help you:
- Identify financial aid or benefits your parents may be eligible fo
- Develop a realistic care plan tailored to their needs
- Monitor their health and adjust services if their condition evolves
This allows you to focus on your relationship with your parents, rather than feeling stressed by all the details. Managing the care of an elderly, ill individual is a complex undertaking. Using a Care Manager is, in the long run, less expensive and less stressful than a do-it-yourself project with your parent or loved one.
6. Revisit and Update the Plan
Your parents’ health and needs will change over time.
Make sure to revisit their care plan regularly, at least once or twice a year, or after a health crisis, to ensure it remains appropriate and meets their needs.
This ongoing reassessment allows you to be flexible and proactive, rather than reactive.
LifeSpan Can Help With a Plan of Care
Having conversations about care and developing a Plan of Care is a loving, responsible way to help your parents age gracefully while honoring their dignity and independence.
Approach these conversations with compassion, patience, and a willingness to collaborate.
Together, you and your parents can create a future that feels safe, supported, and empowering, letting them live their years in a way that feels true to who they are.